![]() It is great to know that he doesn't express any of the same kind of frustrations and temper tantrums at school or with others. When he wishes you all dead, I don't imagine he means it literally, I think he is trying to express just how frustrated he feels with something that's happening at a given moment in time. Similarly, his dramatic statements about how much he hates himself, or thinks himself to be awful, might be his best effort at engendering sympathy and caring from you. His frustration and angry outbursts might be his best way of showing you and his dad that he is unhappy or upset generally about something, or maybe jealous of his siblings in some way. This could well help us to understand your son's experiences. Others might show their displeasure at being overlooked by getting angry or aggressive. Some children may develop a habit of being extra-helpful, or always present with their parent, to ensure they get noticed. They may be overlooked in terms of parental time, attention or special treatment. The theory, for middle children, is that they can get squeezed, neither having the kudos of being eldest, nor the cuteness of being youngest. They usually have a choice of parents and older siblings to get attention from and this might add to their experience of having a "special" status in the family. The youngest child of three, as you describe in your query, often gets the benefit of "cuteness" and may be a little more indulged than their older siblings. First-born children may also have benefitted (or sometimes suffered!) from the undivided attention of their parents and extended family. ![]() So, for example, we classically expect first born children in a family to be the first to accrue privileges with age (so first to stay up later, first to sit in the front seat of the car and so on). However, what birth order can influence is the way in which you get treated, or attended to, in a family. Where you come in the family, in terms of birth order, does not define your personality. The concept of a "middle child syndrome" is often mooted and I think there is some truth in it, even though it isn't actually a psychological descriptor or a clinical diagnosis. I think you may have guessed correctly when you hypothesised that his place in the family might be an important factor in understanding his behaviour. He will often say terrible things about how awful he is, how he hates himself, to how he wants his family to die. His older sister is very confident and happy, whilst his baby brother does benefit from that "cute" factor and gets loads of attention. I think it could be his place in the family. This only happens at home, as his teacher says he is "flying it" at school. He goes from huge anger to extreme happiness, in literally seconds. He's sensitive, bright, and very very quick to anger. My five-year-old son is the middle of three children. Clinical psychologist David Coleman offers parenting advice in his weekly column.
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